The very strange man, that changed my life.


I’ve always looked at the world differently to everyone else. I never saw a few tree’s roads, clouds and people, I was always searching further, looking for different takes on things.

The earliest memory I have of this is being taken in to KFC when I was around three or four. I was with my Mum and Dad and they were sat around the table while I sat in a wooden high chair, belonging to KFC. On the tray of the high chair was the logo, for KFC, of Mr Fingerlickin’ Chicken’ and I said to my parents,

"why has the man got such small legs and arms?"

“why does the man have such a huge head and such little legs and arms?” referring to the necktie as his body. My parents found this hilarious, and haven’t stopped mentioning it since, but I found it quite interesting, it taught me to look at everything with both eyes open, to see the full potential in everything, whether that be a KFC logo, or a job oppertunitity in later life.

There in that KFC  high chair I had a revelation that changed my life and made me appreciate everything for what it is, AND for what it’s not. And I urge you to do the same.


“I want to come home to my penthouse apartment and make an espresso in my brand new Gaggia.”


So tonight I’m staying in on my own.

I don’t know if you know this or not, but I’m a sixteen year old girl. Now correct me if I’m wrong but most other sixteen year old girls I know go out on Saturdays, they go get ‘pissed’ in the park, smoke weed on the walkways and have unprotected sex in seedy ground floor flats.

I know I may sound like a complete nerd when I say this, but that just doesn’t appeal to me at all. I feel so different to people my age, I want to go out and earn a living for myself, I want to go have a few drinks in a wine bar with my ‘sex in the city’ girlfriends. I want to come home to my penthouse apartment and make an espresso in my brand new Gaggia.

I have the body of a sixteen year old teenager and the mind of a 30-year-old woman.
Obviously all of these things that I really want to do, are not actually possible for me, for one you have to be eighteen to go to a wine bar, and on my minimum sixteen year old’s wage, there is no way I could afford a penthouse apartment.
So Instead I just don’t go out anymore, I mean I’ll go shopping in the day time, swan about town in my Louboutin’s, and Gucci handbag, but at night I’ll sit in and watch ‘Frozen Planet’ or ‘Come Dine With Me’

So tonight my Dad is out gigging, and my mum is in our house in France. I’m home alone. And I’m thinking ‘what can I cook for tea? There’s some ham I have to use up in the fridge.’ Is that right? My Dad thinks it’s great that I have the mind-set of Nigella, but my mum thinks I should stop being so sad

Am I growing up TOO fast?

and go get a social life.

Is there such a thing as being too grown up, or am I just preparing myself for later life?

In love with the idea of being in love.


Ive never been in love before. I’ve loved people, but I haven’t been in love with one person.

I don’t know if I ever will be. I always search for the ulterior motive. ‘Is this guy saying he loves me because he really does, or because he wants to get in my knickers?’

My problem is, I just don’t fall in love, and I don’t want to. It’s unnecessary heartache and a waste of Kleenex for no real reward as far as I can see.
But what I am, is in love with the idea of being in love. Wow this is getting complicated!

I’d love to have a guy to cuddle up to and watch tele with, that would take me out for meals and let me order what I wanted off the menu without expecting something back. That would open the door for me when I approach one, and tell me I’m beautiful when I’m wearing no make-up and have bed hair.

But all this seems to be far too much to ask from today’s male society. Just today I was reffered to as a ‘pimp’ by one of my male colleagues.
Here’s the deal men of the 21st century, I’ll do the cooking and cleaning, and be your typical ‘woman’ if you step up to the plate! I’m longing for love! I need a REAL man!